You Look at Me and see a woman so plain
The look of pity is plain to see
Dinner for One?
No hand to hold,
No band of gold.
I am a maiden fair and true.
I have committed myself to be true to my Lord,
To My husband, my children, and will commit to no less.
Until I walk to the altar, whether in heaven or on earth dressed in my best.
To take hold of a hand, Pure will I be.
Until then, this golden time spent just with my Lord
The time to find who am I Lord?
That you find worthy to allow
flowers to blossom wh'ever I go?
To brighten my days
To lighten my sorrows
Lord, you know my tomorrows,
and how this will all work out.
Thank you.
GM. 8/8/08
Friday, August 8, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
How do you say I'm Happy for You...And Mean It, When Inside You're Crying?
I just found out today that my coworker is going to be having a baby. Yay! Cake! =) Did God forget about me?! Sometimes I feel that way. I mess up once, just by picking the wrong boyfriend ONE TIME, here I sit, alone. The tears pour down, and I see parents chasing their children across parks, or holding their babies, and I can't help but think "Do I even get a turn?!" However, after reading "It's Not About Me," by Max Lucado, I know that this time in my life, this time that feels like suffering, is not to make me suffer, but to show God's glory. What He can do with a somebody who knows she's a nobody. How I come through this, can show God's glory....It's hard to explain. I'm babbling. I'm crying. I'm alone! I have no boyfriend, and I refuse to go searching for one. It's just not me. If God wants me to have a guy, He's going to have to bring one to me. A Christian, strong in his faith, a leader, can hold a job, loves me for me....I don't know what else. God does. He knows not just what I want, but more importantly, what I NEED. Needs take priority over wants, and looks. Hopefully, he'll be goodlooking. =) But then, you know what they say--
I'm babbling.....
The Wife of Noble Character wouldn't do anything like that...I've added my comments in Purples, the "royal" color. =) The Proverbs 31 Woman...31:10-31(NLT)
10 *Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Priceless.
11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She's trustworthy.
12 She brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life. Note this: She doesn't do him good some of the days of her life, but ALL of the days of her life. As in, before they get married. him. A small thing, but it still didMaybe they were friends, and met, and he had a collar or hair out of place and she fixed it for him good. =) Or maybe it was a bigger thing, like praying for him. At any rate, ALL of the days of her life, she does him good...and I think this goes two ways.
13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant's ship, bringing her food from afar. She's a bargain hunter?
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls. She can manage a household and cook, that's awesome.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. Not lazy.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. Self-explanatory.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm* clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. Her husband is respected.
24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. She doesn't have a spirit of fear.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She's been reading the book of Proverbs. =) She's kind and kindhearted,
27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Like I said, she's good at managing a household.
28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:
29 "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" I'll say. =)
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. This verse says it all about people. When looking at a man or a woman, you have to look beyond their looks, and see what they're really like.
31 Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Goodnight everybody!
"You don't love a woman because she's beautiful, she's
beautiful because
you love her."--Anonymous
This applies to a man as well. Only I think you would substitute "handsome" for "beautiful," and insert the word "respect" somewhere. =) Some people don't get this idea. I don't get that some people don't get this idea. I don't get how some women can tear down men who are willing to give them the world. It's not fair. Those women tear down those men, and I have no one. It's especially not fair when I don't want to tear down men, and I get to sit back and listen to my friend tell me about how his ex still tears him down.
I'm babbling.....
The Wife of Noble Character wouldn't do anything like that...I've added my comments in Purples, the "royal" color. =) The Proverbs 31 Woman...31:10-31(NLT)
10 *Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Priceless.
11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She's trustworthy.
12 She brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life. Note this: She doesn't do him good some of the days of her life, but ALL of the days of her life. As in, before they get married. him. A small thing, but it still didMaybe they were friends, and met, and he had a collar or hair out of place and she fixed it for him good. =) Or maybe it was a bigger thing, like praying for him. At any rate, ALL of the days of her life, she does him good...and I think this goes two ways.
13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant's ship, bringing her food from afar. She's a bargain hunter?
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls. She can manage a household and cook, that's awesome.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. Not lazy.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. Self-explanatory.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm* clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. Her husband is respected.
24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. She doesn't have a spirit of fear.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She's been reading the book of Proverbs. =) She's kind and kindhearted,
27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Like I said, she's good at managing a household.
28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:
29 "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" I'll say. =)
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. This verse says it all about people. When looking at a man or a woman, you have to look beyond their looks, and see what they're really like.
31 Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Goodnight everybody!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Journal Thoughts--Turning Points--7/15/2006
Life is quite peculiar at times. David and his current employment of Army training in Special Ops to be, God Willing, a doctor, is something that has really caught my attention. His love for the Lord, his respect for the elders who are his mentors, it is absolutely amazing to hear this young man speak! But, what I would like to know is, does my new found interest in the Army, and possibly things oversea, are they due to, or have ANYTHING to do with David? Anything at all? Naturally, I've said nothing of this to Erik, or to David. I've prayed about it, and mentioned the Army to Erik, who said that due to my epilepsy, the Army won't take me.
Erik, unless I'm wrong, is NOT (cannot emphasize that enough) the love of my life. He's always taking, always wanting to spend the night with me, when I don't want him to. David, though younger by five years compared to Erik, in other words, he's two years younger than I am, is more of a gentleman than Erik or any of Erik's friends are. David was more of a gentleman during Kerry's wedding than Erik's been in almost two and a half years. That's pretty sad. David held open doors for me, voluntarily sat in the back of Mary's truck with Patrick, and neither of them are short, and they both put up with being "smooshed" during the Wal-Mart trip so that I could sit up front with plenty of room. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Erik rarely, if ever, holds open a door for me, and whenever it's a full car, I get to sit behind the tallest person, which is usually, ironically, Erik.
And while I'm complaining about Erik, I might as well say, that for our first date, he gave me a plastic rose, saying "I was going to get you a real one, but they die, so I went with they fake one, because it'll live forever."
Erik, unless I'm wrong, is NOT (cannot emphasize that enough) the love of my life. He's always taking, always wanting to spend the night with me, when I don't want him to. David, though younger by five years compared to Erik, in other words, he's two years younger than I am, is more of a gentleman than Erik or any of Erik's friends are. David was more of a gentleman during Kerry's wedding than Erik's been in almost two and a half years. That's pretty sad. David held open doors for me, voluntarily sat in the back of Mary's truck with Patrick, and neither of them are short, and they both put up with being "smooshed" during the Wal-Mart trip so that I could sit up front with plenty of room. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Erik rarely, if ever, holds open a door for me, and whenever it's a full car, I get to sit behind the tallest person, which is usually, ironically, Erik.
And while I'm complaining about Erik, I might as well say, that for our first date, he gave me a plastic rose, saying "I was going to get you a real one, but they die, so I went with they fake one, because it'll live forever."
Friday, March 14, 2008
The Turning Point--Journal Thoughts from 7-7-2006
Well, Kerry and Daniel get married tomorrow, and Kerry's name forevermore shall change. I really am happy for them. David, Kerry's younger brother, actually DID show up though, after he lied to Kerry about not getting the time off. Or rather, not being able to. So, after I arrived at Kerry's parent's house yesterday for "hang-out" time to "meet the family," David came up and hugged me, like Beau does, in pretty much the same manner. That alone shocked me, because I haven't seen David in what feels like ages. In my being shocked I said, "Okay...That was different. I was expecting a handshake." He didn't seem like it was strange at all. Like he'd just seen me the day before at college group. He's in the army, in special forces, he's still training, so I don't know too much, and I'm tired and was tired when he was talking earlier today, so I wasn't able to retain too much information. Unfortunately. Anyway, what really got to me was how mature David is! Cuz while he, Patrick, and I were hanging out in the office upstairs, we were talking, and he was saying all that, and I asked him why he joined the Army. His words surprised me to the core, as well as spoke to me, and awakened, or reawakened a honest desire in me to find a "honest and perfect man" and that the man be in honest truth when he says that he desires to seek God's will, and then do it. Whether it be going into the Army to put forth all he is, and all he has got, or going to be a doctor, or at least try it, and see if it is God's will, to me, THAT is a true, strong, honest, and above all, Christian man. To David, the Army is a ministry, and it seems like for now, and if it's God's will, the rest of David's life, the Army will be his ministry. The thoroughly enjoys it. He has these older gentlemen, in North Carolina where he's stationed, who are his mentors. And from what I can tell, they've done him a LOT of good! I know that all of my jibber-jabber seems just like it's that--jibber-jabber, and maybe it is. But, it seems like somewhere, in one of my journals, that if one were to come into my life, my desire for the type of man that I would want to marry would be a LOT like Beau, with a heart that is always looking to God, and desiring to do his will. David, in mannerisms, minds me a lot of Beau. That's funny, because in looks, Joe and Michelle (also a few mannerisms), remind me of Beau and Rhonda...and both couples ride motorcycles. Which is pretty sweet! Anyway, more later.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
My Problem is ME, And It Cannot Be Blamed On Anyone Else...
I hate watching television anymore. The comedies that are on...very few have scenes in them that are funny unless it's women laughing at themselves, because I hate watching men be disrespected. Yes, I know that I have my moments, I am an imperfect person in a fallen world, and until Christ returns, well, so be it. We're going to have problems between the genders. But I hate it when women put men down just so we can feel a little bit higher on our horse. I have no problems with equal rights for all. I think we should all be allowed to vote. We should all be allowed to run for president if we wish. However, it's when we trample and put each other down that I have problems. Especially when we as women are supposed to be respecting the men in our lives, and men, y'all are supposed to be loving the women in your lives. As sisters, as friends, as wives, whatever category they fall into. Because women want to be loved more than they want respect, and men want respect more than love. If they don't feel respect, they don't feel loved.
And then I'm one to talk! Pssh! I go disrespecting my Sgt. 1st Class Military Pen Pal, I was plain rude! They say actions speak louder than words, does that count over e-mail? I have to go with yes. Oh! It's especially annoying that I can't jump up, run over to the offended, give him a hug and make it right! It's not that easy. Maybe it is....and I'm over complicating it...I feel like I offended him, when all I wanted to do was ask him...I should've known better... There was once a gay guy when I first started for Round Table, who flirted to try and get me to cook for him, then I found out he's gay, so I just didn't want a repeat of that. Then more recently, there was the player. He was straight, but neither God nor Linda would have it. You know, I don't think it's fair to compare those two guys to a Sergeant in the Army. I don't like to disrespect guys, but They're dirt compared to him. He's a really nice guy, didn't deserve to be asked that question, and I should've been able to figure it out. Like when he asked me to be his Valentine, and a few days earlier said "You're edible in my book!" just little things....Oh, I MUST mention somewhere...he's also pretty cute. =) Like, putting George Clooney, Pitt, Cruise, Willis, Orlando Bloom, Antonio Banderas, and Depp all to SHAME with his looks! Yeah, it's true that I never thought all those stars were good looking anyway, and the only one he probably can't outdo in looks is Keanu Reeves. =D Reeves is really cute!!! But, really out of my league. So, like I said, my MPP is pretty cute. But, hello he's a Soldier in the U.S. Army! Those guys are usually in good shape, and cute! =) Best of both worlds!
I found a song a while ago by Kutless on the Sea of Faces CD, entitled "Troubled Heart" and it goes like this:
a screaming man falls to his knees
his broken heart inflicts the pain
he's withdrawn, no one knows
his name one mistake, now he's lost in shame
amidst the pain, you're not alone
though you can't see through the haze
his eyes of love are staring down
and he feels your troubled heart
yes it's true, that someone cares
your perfect friend, never leaving you
strength is gone, and you're feeling cold
you will know the truth that He told
by your grace you repair the broken pieces within
somehow you take a man and make something more
out of him
That's a pretty cool song. When I first saw it, it reminded me of how a man might feel after he's disrespected or torn down by a woman in his life. But it also talks about how he has hope in Jesus Christ. Between Christ repairing a broken and charred heart, and a friend uplifting and encouraging, I could see how this passage from 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 is SO true "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (NKJV)" But this doesn't just apply to a man, it also applies to a woman. I'm just saying man, because I'm reading "For Young Woman Only," and it's focusing on guys. And now a song by my friend Bryce Cooley, aka Coolfield is singing "Hey little boy, why so upset? Why you holding in your pain? You don't need to keep on hurting, come over here and I'll explain...." He's cool...pun intended. =D Aight. I'm outta here.
And then I'm one to talk! Pssh! I go disrespecting my Sgt. 1st Class Military Pen Pal, I was plain rude! They say actions speak louder than words, does that count over e-mail? I have to go with yes. Oh! It's especially annoying that I can't jump up, run over to the offended, give him a hug and make it right! It's not that easy. Maybe it is....and I'm over complicating it...I feel like I offended him, when all I wanted to do was ask him...I should've known better... There was once a gay guy when I first started for Round Table, who flirted to try and get me to cook for him, then I found out he's gay, so I just didn't want a repeat of that. Then more recently, there was the player. He was straight, but neither God nor Linda would have it. You know, I don't think it's fair to compare those two guys to a Sergeant in the Army. I don't like to disrespect guys, but They're dirt compared to him. He's a really nice guy, didn't deserve to be asked that question, and I should've been able to figure it out. Like when he asked me to be his Valentine, and a few days earlier said "You're edible in my book!" just little things....Oh, I MUST mention somewhere...he's also pretty cute. =) Like, putting George Clooney, Pitt, Cruise, Willis, Orlando Bloom, Antonio Banderas, and Depp all to SHAME with his looks! Yeah, it's true that I never thought all those stars were good looking anyway, and the only one he probably can't outdo in looks is Keanu Reeves. =D Reeves is really cute!!! But, really out of my league. So, like I said, my MPP is pretty cute. But, hello he's a Soldier in the U.S. Army! Those guys are usually in good shape, and cute! =) Best of both worlds!
I found a song a while ago by Kutless on the Sea of Faces CD, entitled "Troubled Heart" and it goes like this:
a screaming man falls to his knees
his broken heart inflicts the pain
he's withdrawn, no one knows
his name one mistake, now he's lost in shame
amidst the pain, you're not alone
though you can't see through the haze
his eyes of love are staring down
and he feels your troubled heart
yes it's true, that someone cares
your perfect friend, never leaving you
strength is gone, and you're feeling cold
you will know the truth that He told
by your grace you repair the broken pieces within
somehow you take a man and make something more
out of him
That's a pretty cool song. When I first saw it, it reminded me of how a man might feel after he's disrespected or torn down by a woman in his life. But it also talks about how he has hope in Jesus Christ. Between Christ repairing a broken and charred heart, and a friend uplifting and encouraging, I could see how this passage from 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 is SO true "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (NKJV)" But this doesn't just apply to a man, it also applies to a woman. I'm just saying man, because I'm reading "For Young Woman Only," and it's focusing on guys. And now a song by my friend Bryce Cooley, aka Coolfield is singing "Hey little boy, why so upset? Why you holding in your pain? You don't need to keep on hurting, come over here and I'll explain...." He's cool...pun intended. =D Aight. I'm outta here.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
A Thankful Heart Is....
What is a Thankful Heart? Is it a heart that is thankful in all circumstances? No matter what? Or am I thinking of a joyful heart? Are they the same or are they different? What Am I thankful For? I've taken a few moments today and yesterday to think about that, as I've needed to. I wouldn't have made it through the day otherwise.
When my co-workers were pushing on my last nerve, testing me in fruits of the spirit, rather than what Round Table calls "Leading Non Peak and Peak Periods" or the "Essentials," I was ready to blow a gasket. Thank you God for some of the tasks I must complete before I walk out of the door. Without them, well, I should have explained myself when reproached with my slowness, but often times, I cannot think of an answer at the time. Especially when the phone won't stop ringing. Whatever I gave up the task at hand for, it was probably priorities, and that at the moment that task was not the most important. I knew I had to do it, and I was going to get back to it, but I didn't have time to because it was finished up for me, so with that I say Thank you God for a busy Thanksgiving Eve. What am I thankful for? Well, as an accumulated list....with nothing in any order (and yes, I realize that I repeated a couple of items...)
*Thank you God for some of the tasks I must complete before I walk out of the door.
*Thank you God for a busy Thanksgiving Eve.
*Thank you God that my seizures are now under control (now I just have to find out if I'm allergic to soy).
*Thank you God that my family has such a nice house.
*Thank you God for my wonderfully, loving, annoying, LOUD family. =)
*Thank you God for such wonderful friends.
*Thank you God for such wonderful co-workers...no matter how much I complain about them! =)
*Thank you God for my job.
*Thank you God for saving me from my sins, and having grace on me when I needed it the most. I don't know where I'd be without it.
When my co-workers were pushing on my last nerve, testing me in fruits of the spirit, rather than what Round Table calls "Leading Non Peak and Peak Periods" or the "Essentials," I was ready to blow a gasket. Thank you God for some of the tasks I must complete before I walk out of the door. Without them, well, I should have explained myself when reproached with my slowness, but often times, I cannot think of an answer at the time. Especially when the phone won't stop ringing. Whatever I gave up the task at hand for, it was probably priorities, and that at the moment that task was not the most important. I knew I had to do it, and I was going to get back to it, but I didn't have time to because it was finished up for me, so with that I say Thank you God for a busy Thanksgiving Eve. What am I thankful for? Well, as an accumulated list....with nothing in any order (and yes, I realize that I repeated a couple of items...)
*Thank you God for some of the tasks I must complete before I walk out of the door.
*Thank you God for a busy Thanksgiving Eve.
*Thank you God that my seizures are now under control (now I just have to find out if I'm allergic to soy).
*Thank you God that my family has such a nice house.
*Thank you God for my wonderfully, loving, annoying, LOUD family. =)
*Thank you God for such wonderful friends.
*Thank you God for such wonderful co-workers...no matter how much I complain about them! =)
*Thank you God for my job.
*Thank you God for saving me from my sins, and having grace on me when I needed it the most. I don't know where I'd be without it.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Journey that Leads to this Moment....
God makes all things beautiful in His time...(Ecc. 3:11)
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)
If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (Matthew 6: 33-34, the Message)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4: 6, 7, NIV)
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)
If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (Matthew 6: 33-34, the Message)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4: 6, 7, NIV)
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