Shaken or Stirred...Would You Like A Martini?

Deck Scrubbing Good Time

2008-08-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

You Look at Me and see a woman so plain
The look of pity is plain to see
Dinner for One?
No hand to hold,
No band of gold.
I am a maiden fair and true.
I have committed myself to be true to my Lord,
To My husband, my children, and will commit to no less.
Until I walk to the altar, whether in heaven or on earth dressed in my best.
To take hold of a hand, Pure will I be.
Until then, this golden time spent just with my Lord
The time to find who am I Lord?
That you find worthy to allow
flowers to blossom wh'ever I go?
To brighten my days
To lighten my sorrows
Lord, you know my tomorrows,
and how this will all work out.
Thank you.
GM. 8/8/08

How do you say I'm Happy for You...And Mean It, When Inside You're Crying?

2008-04-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

I just found out today that my coworker is going to be having a baby. Yay! Cake! =) Did God forget about me?! Sometimes I feel that way. I mess up once, just by picking the wrong boyfriend ONE TIME, here I sit, alone. The tears pour down, and I see parents chasing their children across parks, or holding their babies, and I can't help but think "Do I even get a turn?!" However, after reading "It's Not About Me," by Max Lucado, I know that this time in my life, this time that feels like suffering, is not to make me suffer, but to show God's glory. What He can do with a somebody who knows she's a nobody. How I come through this, can show God's glory....It's hard to explain. I'm babbling. I'm crying. I'm alone! I have no boyfriend, and I refuse to go searching for one. It's just not me. If God wants me to have a guy, He's going to have to bring one to me. A Christian, strong in his faith, a leader, can hold a job, loves me for me....I don't know what else. God does. He knows not just what I want, but more importantly, what I NEED. Needs take priority over wants, and looks. Hopefully, he'll be goodlooking. =) But then, you know what they say--

"You don't love a woman because she's beautiful, she's
beautiful because
you love her."--Anonymous

This applies to a man as well. Only I think you would substitute "handsome" for "beautiful," and insert the word "respect" somewhere. =) Some people don't get this idea. I don't get that some people don't get this idea. I don't get how some women can tear down men who are willing to give them the world. It's not fair. Those women tear down those men, and I have no one. It's especially not fair when I don't want to tear down men, and I get to sit back and listen to my friend tell me about how his ex still tears him down.

I'm babbling.....

The Wife of Noble Character wouldn't do anything like that...I've added my comments in Purples, the "royal" color. =) The Proverbs 31 Woman...31:10-31(NLT)
10 *Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Priceless.
11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She's trustworthy.
12 She brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life. Note this: She doesn't do him good some of the days of her life, but ALL of the days of her life. As in, before they get married. him. A small thing, but it still didMaybe they were friends, and met, and he had a collar or hair out of place and she fixed it for him good. =) Or maybe it was a bigger thing, like praying for him. At any rate, ALL of the days of her life, she does him good...and I think this goes two ways.
13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant's ship, bringing her food from afar. She's a bargain hunter?
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls. She can manage a household and cook, that's awesome.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. Not lazy.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. Self-explanatory.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm* clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. Her husband is respected.
24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. She doesn't have a spirit of fear.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She's been reading the book of Proverbs. =) She's kind and kindhearted,
27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Like I said, she's good at managing a household.
28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:
29 "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" I'll say. =)
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. This verse says it all about people. When looking at a man or a woman, you have to look beyond their looks, and see what they're really like.
31 Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Goodnight everybody!

Journal Thoughts--Turning Points--7/15/2006

2008-03-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

Life is quite peculiar at times. David and his current employment of Army training in Special Ops to be, God Willing, a doctor, is something that has really caught my attention. His love for the Lord, his respect for the elders who are his mentors, it is absolutely amazing to hear this young man speak! But, what I would like to know is, does my new found interest in the Army, and possibly things oversea, are they due to, or have ANYTHING to do with David? Anything at all? Naturally, I've said nothing of this to Erik, or to David. I've prayed about it, and mentioned the Army to Erik, who said that due to my epilepsy, the Army won't take me.
Erik, unless I'm wrong, is NOT (cannot emphasize that enough) the love of my life. He's always taking, always wanting to spend the night with me, when I don't want him to. David, though younger by five years compared to Erik, in other words, he's two years younger than I am, is more of a gentleman than Erik or any of Erik's friends are. David was more of a gentleman during Kerry's wedding than Erik's been in almost two and a half years. That's pretty sad. David held open doors for me, voluntarily sat in the back of Mary's truck with Patrick, and neither of them are short, and they both put up with being "smooshed" during the Wal-Mart trip so that I could sit up front with plenty of room. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Erik rarely, if ever, holds open a door for me, and whenever it's a full car, I get to sit behind the tallest person, which is usually, ironically, Erik.
And while I'm complaining about Erik, I might as well say, that for our first date, he gave me a plastic rose, saying "I was going to get you a real one, but they die, so I went with they fake one, because it'll live forever."

The Turning Point--Journal Thoughts from 7-7-2006

2008-03-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

Well, Kerry and Daniel get married tomorrow, and Kerry's name forevermore shall change. I really am happy for them. David, Kerry's younger brother, actually DID show up though, after he lied to Kerry about not getting the time off. Or rather, not being able to. So, after I arrived at Kerry's parent's house yesterday for "hang-out" time to "meet the family," David came up and hugged me, like Beau does, in pretty much the same manner. That alone shocked me, because I haven't seen David in what feels like ages. In my being shocked I said, "Okay...That was different. I was expecting a handshake." He didn't seem like it was strange at all. Like he'd just seen me the day before at college group. He's in the army, in special forces, he's still training, so I don't know too much, and I'm tired and was tired when he was talking earlier today, so I wasn't able to retain too much information. Unfortunately. Anyway, what really got to me was how mature David is! Cuz while he, Patrick, and I were hanging out in the office upstairs, we were talking, and he was saying all that, and I asked him why he joined the Army. His words surprised me to the core, as well as spoke to me, and awakened, or reawakened a honest desire in me to find a "honest and perfect man" and that the man be in honest truth when he says that he desires to seek God's will, and then do it. Whether it be going into the Army to put forth all he is, and all he has got, or going to be a doctor, or at least try it, and see if it is God's will, to me, THAT is a true, strong, honest, and above all, Christian man. To David, the Army is a ministry, and it seems like for now, and if it's God's will, the rest of David's life, the Army will be his ministry. The thoroughly enjoys it. He has these older gentlemen, in North Carolina where he's stationed, who are his mentors. And from what I can tell, they've done him a LOT of good! I know that all of my jibber-jabber seems just like it's that--jibber-jabber, and maybe it is. But, it seems like somewhere, in one of my journals, that if one were to come into my life, my desire for the type of man that I would want to marry would be a LOT like Beau, with a heart that is always looking to God, and desiring to do his will. David, in mannerisms, minds me a lot of Beau. That's funny, because in looks, Joe and Michelle (also a few mannerisms), remind me of Beau and Rhonda...and both couples ride motorcycles. Which is pretty sweet! Anyway, more later.

My Problem is ME, And It Cannot Be Blamed On Anyone Else...

2008-02-17T00:21:00.000-08:00

I hate watching television anymore. The comedies that are on...very few have scenes in them that are funny unless it's women laughing at themselves, because I hate watching men be disrespected. Yes, I know that I have my moments, I am an imperfect person in a fallen world, and until Christ returns, well, so be it. We're going to have problems between the genders. But I hate it when women put men down just so we can feel a little bit higher on our horse. I have no problems with equal rights for all. I think we should all be allowed to vote. We should all be allowed to run for president if we wish. However, it's when we trample and put each other down that I have problems. Especially when we as women are supposed to be respecting the men in our lives, and men, y'all are supposed to be loving the women in your lives. As sisters, as friends, as wives, whatever category they fall into. Because women want to be loved more than they want respect, and men want respect more than love. If they don't feel respect, they don't feel loved.

And then I'm one to talk! Pssh! I go disrespecting my Sgt. 1st Class Military Pen Pal, I was plain rude! They say actions speak louder than words, does that count over e-mail? I have to go with yes. Oh! It's especially annoying that I can't jump up, run over to the offended, give him a hug and make it right! It's not that easy. Maybe it is....and I'm over complicating it...I feel like I offended him, when all I wanted to do was ask him...I should've known better... There was once a gay guy when I first started for Round Table, who flirted to try and get me to cook for him, then I found out he's gay, so I just didn't want a repeat of that. Then more recently, there was the player. He was straight, but neither God nor Linda would have it. You know, I don't think it's fair to compare those two guys to a Sergeant in the Army. I don't like to disrespect guys, but They're dirt compared to him. He's a really nice guy, didn't deserve to be asked that question, and I should've been able to figure it out. Like when he asked me to be his Valentine, and a few days earlier said "You're edible in my book!" just little things....Oh, I MUST mention somewhere...he's also pretty cute. =) Like, putting George Clooney, Pitt, Cruise, Willis, Orlando Bloom, Antonio Banderas, and Depp all to SHAME with his looks! Yeah, it's true that I never thought all those stars were good looking anyway, and the only one he probably can't outdo in looks is Keanu Reeves. =D Reeves is really cute!!! But, really out of my league. So, like I said, my MPP is pretty cute. But, hello he's a Soldier in the U.S. Army! Those guys are usually in good shape, and cute! =) Best of both worlds!

I found a song a while ago by Kutless on the Sea of Faces CD, entitled "Troubled Heart" and it goes like this:

a screaming man falls to his knees
his broken heart inflicts the pain
he's withdrawn, no one knows
his name one mistake, now he's lost in shame

amidst the pain, you're not alone
though you can't see through the haze
his eyes of love are staring down
and he feels your troubled heart

yes it's true, that someone cares
your perfect friend, never leaving you
strength is gone, and you're feeling cold
you will know the truth that He told

by your grace you repair the broken pieces within
somehow you take a man and make something more
out of him

That's a pretty cool song. When I first saw it, it reminded me of how a man might feel after he's disrespected or torn down by a woman in his life. But it also talks about how he has hope in Jesus Christ. Between Christ repairing a broken and charred heart, and a friend uplifting and encouraging, I could see how this passage from 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 is SO true "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (NKJV)" But this doesn't just apply to a man, it also applies to a woman. I'm just saying man, because I'm reading "For Young Woman Only," and it's focusing on guys. And now a song by my friend Bryce Cooley, aka Coolfield is singing "Hey little boy, why so upset? Why you holding in your pain? You don't need to keep on hurting, come over here and I'll explain...." He's cool...pun intended. =D Aight. I'm outta here.

A Thankful Heart Is....

2007-11-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

What is a Thankful Heart? Is it a heart that is thankful in all circumstances? No matter what? Or am I thinking of a joyful heart? Are they the same or are they different? What Am I thankful For? I've taken a few moments today and yesterday to think about that, as I've needed to. I wouldn't have made it through the day otherwise.
When my co-workers were pushing on my last nerve, testing me in fruits of the spirit, rather than what Round Table calls "Leading Non Peak and Peak Periods" or the "Essentials," I was ready to blow a gasket. Thank you God for some of the tasks I must complete before I walk out of the door. Without them, well, I should have explained myself when reproached with my slowness, but often times, I cannot think of an answer at the time. Especially when the phone won't stop ringing. Whatever I gave up the task at hand for, it was probably priorities, and that at the moment that task was not the most important. I knew I had to do it, and I was going to get back to it, but I didn't have time to because it was finished up for me, so with that I say Thank you God for a busy Thanksgiving Eve. What am I thankful for? Well, as an accumulated list....with nothing in any order (and yes, I realize that I repeated a couple of items...)

*Thank you God for some of the tasks I must complete before I walk out of the door.

*Thank you God for a busy Thanksgiving Eve.

*Thank you God that my seizures are now under control (now I just have to find out if I'm allergic to soy).

*Thank you God that my family has such a nice house.

*Thank you God for my wonderfully, loving, annoying, LOUD family. =)

*Thank you God for such wonderful friends.

*Thank you God for such wonderful co-workers...no matter how much I complain about them! =)

*Thank you God for my job.

*Thank you God for saving me from my sins, and having grace on me when I needed it the most. I don't know where I'd be without it.

Journey that Leads to this Moment....

2007-11-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

God makes all things beautiful in His time...(Ecc. 3:11)

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (Matthew 6: 33-34, the Message)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4: 6, 7, NIV)

From My Journal--9/3/2007

2007-09-08T22:49:00.000-07:00

I figured out yesterday that though I am turning twenty-three in October (just a month away!) I am still a kid at heart. I delight in parks and swingsets, saying that I am "____-and-a-half" years old, painting a friend's toenails, sleepovers, and a few other things that I can't think of now.

Am I this way because I had to spend the last near eight years of my life getting to be a "guest neurologist"? of sorts, learning as much as I could about the mysterious disease epilepsy? And so am I this way because of circumstances that happened, or would I be this way without epilepy--wow, I can't even spell--epilepsy? For me, this is a thought to ponder sometimes, but the answer is one that only God knows. When people say "Oh, you're epileptic?" If I remember, I have to correct them. No. I'm not. I have epilepsy. It doesn't have a hold on me. I am not going to make my choices for the day based on whether or not I may have a seizure. If I did that, I'd be walking around in the middle of the month with a hockey helmet on my head. I would be living in a spirit of fear, and I believe that would be going against everything I've learned over the years about not being given a spirit of fear, and several other verses in the bible tell me that God doesn't want me to fear. Also, that He will give His angels charge over me, to keep me in all my ways. I have no choice but to believe this. Falling off my bike nine days ago, it COULD HAVE been a hit and run, but God is using these seizures and "time outs" in hospitals for something. "Me Days," from school and work? When I had one (a seizure) in a restaurant in June, as soon as I was out of the hospital (literally!), the same day I was out of the hospital, my boss was on the phone, calling to see if I'd come in to work for a few hours!! (I love my boss and my job! =) And I wanted normalcy, and it was easy work, so I went. NOTE: My three hour shift turned out to only be like an hour, or hour and a half, because it was VERY slow, and I was tired, so I volunteered to go home early. Life is good. God is better. =)

Journal--8/24/2007 @11:15pm

2007-09-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

Another thing that God has shown me this summer is the miracle of the moment. Not a moment that's pre-maturely planned in my life, nor one where anything is late. God has shown me that the best time to be is now. AndI know this because if you focus on your past, and things that happened, you end up living in yesterday, and you miss the new and great things that happen. And if you focus on the future, and what has yet to happen, then you can't get ready to BE that person you're focusing on in your dreams, or your can't meet your goals. Time and again I have heard this message from above, for me to be in the moment. And I know it's from above because the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, willing to yield, and full of good fruits, and the message "Be in the moment," or "don't miss the miracle of the moment," or even at work I've heard "Focus on one thing at a time Gaby." I think that advice passes all those checkpoints. Erik is part of my past. As I see it, even as a friend he drags me down, and there is no place for him in my life in neither the present, nor the future. He can only be part of my past. I am not sorry for the time he was in my life, because as that one quote says "Some people come into our lives and leave again, others come into our lives and leave little imprints on our hearts and we are never the same. --Unknown" Erik is in the latter category. It doesn't say whether they're good or bad imprints, just imprints. I'm not the same person I was when he and I were going out. I'm older, I'm wiser, I'm smarter, and less naive. Some of these things are a good thing. Others, like being less naive, I'm not sure. But anyway, I can't live in the past.

From My Journal--8/19/2007

2007-09-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

7:20AM--I felt embarrassed, really, two weeks ago when Sue and Sydney were hugging me, and telling me how much they liked the cards (no one mentioned the gum, hand sanitizer, or chapstick =), and saying how it was just what they needed to hear on that day (when I heard that, I could only think Don't look at me, I was the squirmy one in the pew that day who finally sighed and said "Okay God. I'll do encouragement notes for *gulp* three people for sixteen days. Now, how many cards will I need? Are you sure I can do this? Where am I going to get THAT much encouragement? Okay....I was the one who finished writing the last card on Regional Transit on the way to the church on Thursday, July 19th, 2007. No, don't look at me...especially if you're looking for perfection. =)
--------------------------------
5:55pm--Yesterday with Angie (my sister) we went and got my bike's flat front tire fixed, went to the central library until it closed. God is doing amazing things in my life. I read "The Measure of a Man," by Martin Luther King Jr., all the way through, since it's a thin book, and he was talking about the value of a man, and how a while back some scientists or someone (I don't remember who) had broken down the components that make up man, and at the time that they had done this, at the time, man's value/worth was equal to about ninety-eight cents. By the time King's book was published, One dollar and ninety-eight cents, and so, with inflation, today, I'm guessing our price would be about five dollars. But the point that King was trying to make was could you put a price on Michaelangelo's genius? Could you put a price on what Jesus did for us on the cross of just such-and-such amount? And then he mentioned the good samaritan story (keep in mind his little book was jam-packed with good things but these two things stuck out the most in my mind). Now in the story of the good samaritan, perhaps it wasn't that the other two were "dreadfully busy" or afraid of "how it would look" or whatever. But rather, of what would happen to them if they did stop since it was a bad road. After the library closed, Angie and I went to dinner, then went to get on the light rail, and had a chance to put the good samaritan lesson just learned into practice. All I could think of was "Wow, the way God works sometimes...."

From My Journal--8/18/2007@11:35pm

2007-09-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

So each summer just has its moments that make me say or think that THAT summer has been the best yet. Like the summer five or so years back when I released the grudge against Kerry and her family, and regained Kerry as a friend that year. I mean that year at camp. The one where I released the grudge and cried on Josh White's shoulder. Anyway, this year, early on in the summer, I decided to devote myself to more daily scripture reading. I don't know how well I've done with that. I would say not well for my own quiet time. But there were numerous people (besides Susan, Sydney, and Bryce) who were encouraged. And not just by the care packages. I'm just talking everyday stuff that made me feel drained and empty because I felt I was giving out so much encouragement for a while, but was getting none back. So I felt empty, and like I could give out no more. Because if I had none, where would I get it from? Then Susan came back, and gave me a wonderful 'thank you' card. Also, Bryce told me 'thank you' while they were while they were still in Jordan, which meant a lot to me to receive his words at that time, which were also refreshing and encouraging, because I had spent all of the time that I'd spent in getting the cards together, and the entire time they were gone, all I could think of was "I messed up. They didn't like them, and threw them away, and are being nice about it....they didn't like them." So, especially when I received Bryce's 'thank you,' that was a confirmation to me that the time in gathering the cards and gum and all was not wasted, and it meant a lot to me to hear that. Susan's card came at a perfect time also, when I was asking God where I was going to get more encouragement from, and several people needed it all around the same time. It's always great to see God work in your life, and both cards came when I needed them. =)

Every Post From My Myspace Blog...Long, But Worth Reading

2007-09-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

So, this is kind of like the "Best of My Myspace Blog," oldest to newest.
21 July, 2006--Great News Everyone!!! So, as you all know, upon opening this blog, I was unsure as to what to use it as. A diary, a journal, I couldn't decide! But, a dear friend of mine, Bryce read some of my thoughts on the inner beauty of women, and said (and I quote) "thanks for both your e-mails. I am afraid my meek reply will not do them justice but they were both excellent! have you blogged those or sent them out in bulletins?? You really should they are inspired for sure! Thank you for your insight. *hugs* Bryce" and through his words he encouraged me to encourage others. So, how do I begin? I'm not at all sure.

24 July, 2006--True Beauty....Girls Have it Rough! Current mood: sleepy
Aloha everyone! No, I'm not in Hawaii, and I don't want to be. Actually, right now, I'm torn between sleep, and myspace.com. I'm sure almost everyone knows about the blackout their data center had for god-only-knows how many hours yesterday (the 23rd, for those who forgot the date), so, now that I'm on, I don't want to get off, but that's straying from the subject. This is another God-inspired, Bryce said I should (I know, if Bryce said I should jump off a cliff, would I? Answer, yes. If I had all the proper equipment for bungee jumping. If not, no.), blog entry. There may be some more that sound like this, but haven't been given an opinion on by Bryce, so, other people's opinions are NOT really that important to me, I just had honestly never thought of posting prior to his saying, "You should think about that." Anyway, the original bulletin (Bryce's) is first, then my reply. I think I liked this one better, but, it's hard to say. Hope it inspires some good thoughts in y'all, God bless, and good night!Always in Christ,Gabs =)*******************************************************---------------------- Bulletin Message ----------------- From: Coolfield Date: Jul 19, 2006 7:27 PM Ok this may be weird because I'm a guy and what do I know. This could end up being a very short devotional or long, lets see where the spirit leads. So the following is for all the young girls, ladies, women. It breaks my heart to see beautiful women out there thinking they are not beautiful because of what our society portrays as beauty. No matter what size or shape, you are beautiful. God cannot take his eyes off you. He is overjoyed at your smile, that is right, you have the ability to bring joy to God, how amazing is that. The cool thing about that is you don't need to do anything to deserve it. So many times I hear girls say things like "they will like me if..." or "if only I looked like her". The great thing is God is astounded at you PERIOD! There is nothing that could ever make him love you more, nothing you could do. Never feel you need to compromise yourself in anyway to please someone, no one deserves it, you are a gift to be treasured. You are more beautiful than rubies, the sparkle in your eye, the shine of your smile shines brighter and brings joy to the heart of God and of man. Your laugh resounds with the angels in heaven praising God and bringing joy to all around you. You are definatley not mediocre. You are created in the image of God, God is perfect therefore you are perfect. There are no mistakes here, he didn't give you the wrong body type, the wrong voice, you are incredible. I have seen so many beautiful girls that think they aren't good enough because they don't look like all these airbrushed, skinny "beauties" on the cover of magazine. They feel that if they can just look as "beautiful" as them they will be happy. I found an interesting quote from Kim Alexis "A lot of people think beauty is a free ticket to happiness. It's not." This is a woman who was idolized by millions, considered one of the most beautiful women in the world, and she is saying that it doesn't bring happiness. Well what does? Realize that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Now this is a call to my brothers. Be a man, control yourself so you don't cause your sisters to fall. Your friends who are girls and your girlfriends are jewels to be prized. Protect them. Remember they are God's daughter, never take that for granted. Please, from the bottom of my heart, affirm them, let them know how beautiful they are.
***************************************************************
Re: True Beauty...Girls Have It Rough!!That, Bryce, was beautiful! You may also want to add for woman and young woman alike everywhere to think about this thought, and if it's too long, feel free to edit it, or even delete it if you wish, just remember that I was VERY tired upon writing this-- You are God's DAUGHTER. Created in HIS image. Jesus is the King of Kings, he is also God the Son. Add those two together, and you get informed that YOU are the DAUGHTER of a KING. That would make you a PRINCESS, and if you've accepted Christ as your Saviour, you have a crown waiting for you in heaven. But just because you have a crown waiting for you, doesn't mean that you can still "poor me" yourself that you don't have a body part like "so-and-so's," or you don't have people flocking to you saying what a great smile you have, or whatever. This coming from a female who's been in what felt like the "cess pool of life," I thought I was so ugly, that no guy would ever want to date me, or marry me, or that one would even look my way twice! I wondered what the point of thinking about my wedding was, if guys weren't paying any attention to me. Until I came across some book or other (I'm always reading something, so I don't know what book it was, it could've been about the ideal wife in Proverbs 31, or "Beautiful in God's Eyes" by Elizabeth George, "Celebrating the Inner Beauty of Woman" by Janette Oke, or any other book) and something "clicked" in me, and as I was walking by a mirror in my house one day, I paused, and really looked at myself, and I stopped looking at what someone from Vogue Magazine, or some other modeling agency would see, and I took a look through God's eyes, and I had to agree with the title of Elizabeth George's book "Beautiful in God's Eyes". I'm not vain, and I don't spend hours in front of a mirror, but I did try to see myself as God does, and for once, well, maybe you should take a look through God's eyes, and see what He sees. This is what I saw--Yeah, I have a major underbite, but a friendly smile. My brown eyes always seem to have some little bit of joy mixed with a smile in them, and my brown hair looks like it belongs in a Nutriesse Garnier commercial for their "Normal Hair" products, even though I'm usually wearing it up and out of the way. I'm not THAT short, at five feet, four and a half inches, I've seen a bunch of shorter people, and for once, I really looked at my weight. Maybe to a nutritionist I'm a bit overweight, yes, my body has some fat on it. But I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and I have quite a bit of muscle on me. Also, in the past years, I've actually tried to GAIN weight. Not by binging on doughnuts, but to workout with weights, and gain muscle. Why? Muscle burns fat (even while you sleep!), makes you look slimmer, and does NOT actually have that "bulky" look that you see some women have. Then, I looked at my clothes, and for once I saw a size that I was proud to own! In the past, well, I won't go into that, but, I will say that I was happy with the way I was. Then, it really dawned on me that I am a child of God, and what's on the outside, yeah, it's nice to look nice, but that's not going to last. You can only get by on looks for so long, and then that's it. People aren't going to want to be around you. If you really want to improve yourself both internally and externally (on the outside), then work out with weights (for a good book with a good plan, I recommend "Toning for Teens: The 20-minute workout plan that makes you Look Good and Feel Great!" look at your library for it, and you can check it out for three weeks at a time), eat a healthy diet, and really look at what's inside. Ask God to show you where you need to improve, both inside and out. As for books on self-improvement, start with the bible, and go from there. I have a copy of "For Such A Time As This" by Lisa Ryan, that I would be happy to turn into a chapter-by-chapter story for all females (There's a warning in the book that says the males most likely won't "Get It"), as I only own one copy of the book, I can send each chapter to Bryce, and he can post it or e-mail it out to all females on his mailing list at his own sweet will. It's up to him. Another good book, by Bruce Wilkinson, is "Prayer of Jabez," not geared toward one gender, it's a good book. Note: Before you run to the nearest bookstore to buy them out, go to the library!! Search by subject, and you should find that http://www.saclibrarycatalog.org has a nice list of books geared toward young people. In fact the Rancho Cordova library is where I found the bible that I would later look for at Wal-Mart, find, and buy. Oh, other nice books that helped me along were by Michael W. Smith, "It's Time to Be Bold" and "Friends are Friends Forever", really just a lot of the books in the "Christian--Religion" section. Great part, if they don't have the book you want, and it's at another library, request that they send it to your local library. Always in Christ, Gabriella Martini =)

How do you Hurt? Current mood: tired
Okay, so to explain this to everyone, a dear friend of mine, Bryce, sent to all of his friends a bulletin with his thoughts of "How Do You Hurt?" I responded to it, and that is what is pasted below. I originally didn't think that my thoughts were that important, but Bryce said they were "excellent" (I don't wish to sound like I'm bragging), and that I should post them. So, with such an open and honest opinion of the thoughts inside my head, I decided that I should post. So, Love to All, and Bryce's Bulletin is first, and then my reply is below that so you'll understand what's going on. I hope and pray that you get something out of this, even if it's just a smile!Always in Christ,Gabs =)
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From: Coolfield Date: Jul 19, 2006 7:14 PM This is something that is always on my heart and I need to get it out sometimes. This world is really hard to live in. Depression runs rampant all over the place. I encounter kids every day that put on a fake smile and say everything is ok but I can almost gaurantee they go home and cry themselves to sleep daily. I mean I have been one of those kids, I still am at times... Let's face it life isn't easy for anyone these days. There is so much stuff that happens that tugs us in every direction asking for our attention, telling us what is important what isn't. Sometimes we just walk around in this half comatose state, smile on our face but screaming out inside for someone to come help. All we need sometimes is just one person to give us a hug or tell us that they care about us. We just need to know that we are important to someone. If I am the only one that has ever felt this way that makes me happy, because it is not a fun way to feel. Based on what I heard last week at camp I am not alone in this. There is sooooooooo much pain in this world. I don't know why we do this but we feel we need to mask it. People try to forget the pain through drugs, sex, joking whatever. You guys that is not good, we need to deal with this stuff if we are ever going to get passed it. I can't even imagine some of the stuff you guys have had to deal with in your lives but I do want to hear about it. I know there are hurting people out there that just need to be heard. Well I want to hear your story, your story is important, you are important, you have worth NEVER think otherwise. I am sorry if people have told you that you don't but you do, I can be sure of that. Maybe no one will respond to this, maybe 100 people will, regardless I will reply to whoever replies to this. I know your hurting, I am hear to listen. <3>
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Re: How do you Hurt??I have a totally radical idea for all those who hurt. Inside, outside, I've been there too. But the important part is that when you do hurt, if you reach out to someone else in their hurt, and make someone else happy, you help yourself. Somewhere in the bible it says "Who he refreshes others will himself be refreshed." That's a nice little "splash of joy" don't ya think? =) I'm a Barbara Johnson fan, and through her literature, I have learned to take life as it comes, and grow through the things that life throws at me. As a Martini, I come out a little shaken sometimes, maybe a little stirred (no pun intended, and that, is how I "use alcohol"--so to speak--to lighten my load =) It's a good thing my last name isn't vodka, or Budweiser or something weird!) I'm kinda tired right now, so it's hard to explain, but anyway, I was thinking that perhaps some of the younguns in the youth group would like to create a bunch of cards sometime, (this is just an idea, mind you) and basically make them like, little "rays of sunshine" for those in the church or youth group who find themselves under a gray cloud that won't go away! Personally, I think paper would be better, because, yes, e-cards are nice, but a little impersonal, although many a times, are more convenient, but still, more impersonal. I think that what is more nice is that piece of paper that someone created from off the top of their head with the words "HUMOR IS TO LIFE WHAT SHOCK ABSORBERS ARE TO AUTOMOBILES!" on the front, and you open it up and it says "I'm sorry to hear about the hard times you're going through. I'm praying for you, and hope that during this time, you can still find something to laugh about, even if it is a really small thing. Always in Christ, Me" With "Me" being whoever created the card of course. But I just realized that I totally evaded the question in the subject line. "How do I Hurt?" I usually cry and pray a little, maybe lie down on my bed and take a cat nap to see if the issue at hand is worth more tears and time crying over, find something to laugh about, and run over the list of people in my mind of who I might be able to call last second to see how they're doing and what they're up to. Who knows? My call may be just what THEY need to perk them up! Anyway, for now, I'm off. You may respond if you wish. I'm on here about once a day since they brought back the Lunch Buffet at my RTP (yah!). Take Care, God Bless, Good night, and Always in Christ, Gabriella Martini =)

27 July, 2006--
A Tear-Filled Day Current mood: indescribable
Today has been a day like no other. Truly. It has been a very tear-filled day. First I had some guy in a mini-van write on a paper "I THINK YOU ARE PRETTY" and hold it out the window for me to see. I was expecting to be asked for my phone number. Something I don't recall ever happening to me before. I thought it was sweet, I mean, as a female friend of mine said about it, "what girl wouldn't like that?" Especially one in a sweat-filled green polo, a ballcap, sneakers, and her regular crew pants rolled up to the knees. Oh, and let's not forget my shaker sign hanging around my neck as I sung out loud to myself (with no music), tried to dance like no one was watching, and occasionally just laughing as I tried to write in my little journal that I had stowed away in my back pocket (and for that matter should have left there!), drink some of my fruit water, or found something that amused me. Needless to say, that piece of paper made me laugh till I cried. It was a drink of some pure laughter that I needed! And who doesn't need more laughter? Then later on, my mood went a little moody on me, when some true things that I needed to re-learn were re-taught to me through places I never would have thought them to show up, and being "learnt" them through such a different location surprised me, and sent me on my knees before God, crying and asking for Him to forgive me. He did, and now I have a bunch of things to think and pray about, and my heart feels like it is in a state of "Okay God, so what does 'He' look like? You know, the 'One'? What are his priorities, his qualities? Is he a Christian already? You know what I want, so is he a strong one at that, willing to take the lead? Can he deal with my epilepsy? How many kids does he want? So God, where is he? Since the end of one thing means the beginning of another, where's 'He' at? What color are his eyes? Dark brown and mysterious, regular brown, baby blue with a hint of joy, and a smile lurking at the corners of his mouth, enchanting green?? His hair? What's it like? How tall is he? Can I wear heels around him? Is he fun and funny, does he want to learn how to dance? All around, would I consider him good looking, and want to throw my arms around him every time I see him?" I'm questioning God like a little kid would, and like I was before I started dating. Only now I know that just because you love someone doesn't make them the right one. They have to fall under God's guidelines--then all those little things like eye and hair color are a toss up. For all you know, your "one" could be willing to die their hair purple, with red, yellow, black, and white streaks, while you keep yours the boring color you came with when you were born. God only knows. God bless, and good night everybody.

The Best Moment of my Short Career (Is three years short?)!!!! Current mood: ecstatic
So, I was at work, on my way to shake my sign on the corner, and on the way I dropped a note to a friend in the mailbox, and continued on my way. So I must note that sometimes while shaking my sign, I have gardeners, that look at me and smile, and I just kind of smile back, because I'm not THAT impressed, but this moment, THIS MOMENT, was the BEST, as you will see.So, like I said, I was doing my job, and this minivan makes a left turn in front of me, and this guy starts to hold a piece of paper up and out the window with some words on it, which, for whatever reason, I was expecting the paper to say "CAN I HAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER?" But, it was even BETTER than THAT. It said:"I THINK YOU ARE PRETTY"That, was different than usual, and I thought it was very nice, so I smiled and waved back, and watched as they continued on their way, then it DAWNED on me, what had just happened--I HAVE ADORING FANS!!! Then I BUSTED UP LAUGHING!!! Seriously, I was laughing so hard that I was crying, and that totally made my day!!! And no, for inquiring minds, I didn't get to see what he looked like. So I have no idea if my adoring fan is young, old, white, black, etcetera. It was great, so I thought I'd share. And maybe make someone else's day as fun as mine was.In Christ,Gabs =)

28 July, 2006--The power of a piece of paper... Current mood: happy
No, I'm not talking about yesterday's surprise piece of paper. But there is no comparison between that one and the one I got today. They're two different pieces of paper. Which isn't bad, since they both were splashes of joy in my life. I don't know if today's was anything to really "WOW!" at. My boss handed me my paycheck after I asked, and then as I was about to leave to go wait for my mom, my boss called me back in and I came back in, ready to tiredly agree to working on Saturday, while in my "TGIF" mood. But she didn't ask. Instead, I walked back into the office, and was handed a piece of paper that looked like a certificate with my name on it, and a little blue box (NOT from Tiffany's, my company is too cheap for THAT), and that was when I realized that the paper WAS a certificate, officially proclaiming me employee of the month. For which month, I don't know, but it did look pretty. And as I removed the previous month's employee's certificate from the frame, I had that uncomfortable comparison feeling as a voice inside my head said "Well done good and faithful employee." "What's good about it?" I thought? "It just means that I worked hard enough. This is a piece of paper. It can be burnt up, age will get at it. Heaven is where my real treasures are." I thought about my day out on my corner, it was kind of boring. I had a co-worker outside with me, but she was up by the store, while I was on my usual corner. I couldn't come up with any songs to sing, and I felt tired. I'd decided that, if he'd let me, I'd borrow my younger brother's iPod. Or if he said no, I'd jokingly tell him, "You COULD get me an early birthday present, ya know. I've been wanting an iPod...hint, hint." Then I thought about it, and decided that if my brother said no to my borrowing it, then I'd go buy my own. I didn't know how I'd afford it, but I'd get my own. Maybe a small one. After I'd put my certificate in its frame, right-side up, and hung it on the wall, I actually looked at the little blue box. No, it wasn't an iPod, but it showed that God is really in tune with our wants and our needs. The little blue box held an MP3 Digital Music Player, WITH a Flash Disk (which I think means one of those little portable hard drives that you can put on your keychain and plug into those ports on the front of your computer). I went back into the office to hand my manager the other guy's certificate, to put into his file, or give to him, and told her how God had used her to answer my prayers, and I said thank you. Because I was really wanting one. She said that was rad. I had to agree, while inward, I was jumping for joy, and saying "Thank you, thank you, thank you God!!!" Later, I found out that the capacity on the MP3 player is not very big, only 128mb, but, it's enough to get me by while I'm shaking my sign. I've already put some music on it, and it's currently holding about 28 songs, so, yeah, I think that's enough to do what I need one to do. Personally, I always thought that an iPod was a little much for people who were just going jogging, or walking. And I don't think I'd have looked twice at this one as it doesn't look like my "type", as I'd predetermined that my "type" of music player was an iPod. Well, just goes to show how God gives us what we NEED rather than what we want. But if we're in tune with God's will, than what looks to be the basic can fulfill our NEED. Good night everybody!!! If any of my newer friends read this, then welcome to my group, and I'm sorry I didn't acknowledge you before. God bless, have a good night.Always and Forever,Me =)

24 September, 2006--Apparently, for me, Yahtzee, Milk, and cookie dough just don't go together. Just ask my friends, Beau, Rhonda, Dana, and Amanda. We got together after church today, just to hang out and have a good time, a little "R&R" if you will, after a very busy week for us all. We ate lunch together, and then decided to play a game. Beau went to choose a game, and Yahtzee was the game of choice, Amanda rested with her injured leg up on a chair, Dana and I made the cookie dough, and Rhonda loaded the dishwasher with the dishes from our lunch, and turned it on. Chocolate chip cookie dough (mmmmm!!!! =) was made, milk and cups set up, the game was set up, spoons were supplied, and everyone started digging into the cookie dough, as the first game of Yahtzee was started. I had just finished my turn, and was going to refill my spoon, when I accidentally knocked over my cup. Bravo for me! I cleaned it up, and absent-mindedly remarked that "if this keeps up, I'm going to need a sippy cup." Amanda and I switched seats so she could put up her foot on a rest beneath the table. Rhonda asked me if I'd like to borrow a pair a sweats, since my pants were pretty wet, as a large portion of my milk had landed in my lap. I said no thank you, and the game continued. I refilled my cup again (half-way ONLY, so I wouldn't make too big of a spill if anything should happen to it again) and just after switching seats, Rhonda knocked over my milk! Right into my lap AGAIN!!! But, I busted up laughing! What else was a girl to do? "It's a good thing I DIDN'T borrow those sweats, Rhonda." I said, laughing out loud that the SAME thing had happened, as I got up to look and see what kind of wide-based cup was in their cabinets. I found an insulated coffee cup with a lid on it, and brought that down. Beau asked what it was for, and I said "So I don't spill anymore milk!" Everyone laughed, and life went on. But you know, the whole thing reminded me of how life works out sometimes. We think things will go one way, and unbeknownst to us, just a little ways down the line, our milk will spill into our lap and go everywhere. Maybe not once, but twice! It can be hard to deal with at times. But with the right friends and supporters in our lives, God makes all things work together for our good, and he makes all things bearable. But, if there's one thing that we need to remember, it's those people in our lives who do the things that many of us just weren't built to do. The fire fighters, the police men (and women), the pastors, and the youth pastors. Fire fighters risk their lives going into burning buildings and buildings that are collapsing. Cops go into situations that could prove dangerous for their lives as well, the speeding drunk driver chase, or the armed robberies. Pastors and Youth Pastors jobs maybe don't look to have jobs that are so difficult, but they have their trials and tribulations as well. The pastor walks into his office to counsel the couple whose marriage is collapsing before their eyes, and says the last rights at the funeral of his best friend's child, who was killed in a drunk driving accident, when he went to a party and drank too much. The youth pastor (I'm not saying it's easier for the pastor, I'm just looking at life from my youngster point of view) probably has a harder job than the pastor in that, what he says and does will shape the young lives who attend his class on a daily basis. The youth pastor teaches his students that they DO mean something to someone, and how important they are. He teaches them to stand stong in the midst of temptation, that they are truly beautiful from the inside out, and that money can't buy happiness. He gives, and gives, and gives, out of his love for his students, wanting to keep them out of the backseats of the cop cars, and the pastor's office. He wants to keep them from being the body of the child in the coffin whom the epitaph (sp?) is being said for. He gives all he has, pouring out his love on his students, and wakes up one day, feeling like he's been stripped of everything. And maybe he has, if the church whom he is pouring his time into is not supporting him as they ought to be. That being said, I know that it was God who led me to these verses in 1 Thessalonians 4:18, "Therefore encourage each other with these words." and 1 Thessalonians 5:11-13, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Now we ask you brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other." I absolutely LOVE the ideas presented here, to ENCOURAGE and BUILD each other UP!!! That means telling the firefighters (in my case, I have to include the EMTs in that) "Thank you," more often, when they come to pick me up from a public place after I've had a seizure. =) The cops should also be thanked, even if they're in a public place enjoying their lunch. As for the pastor and youth pastor, well, that's why Martini Ink (a.k.a. MartinInk, or my "brand" of greeting cards =), Hallmark, and American Greetings exist. Or, bake them a batch of cookies, personally tell them thank you, get them a small gift of appreciation. Do something to let them know they ARE appreciated, and that they DO mean something. Trust me, they'll appreciate just being thought of...as will anyone else for that matter. =)

30 October, 2006--I'm MUST Clear My Mind...I'm SOOO Tired Of This!!! Category: Romance and Relationships
NOTE: This is aimed more at the guys than the girls, but I think everyone will benefit from it.
I am NOT going to lower my standards for ANYONE!!! I am TIRED of being "examined" by guys on trains (I can't drive, so if I don't wish to travel by parents, I go via public transportation), buses, at school, in stores, and almost everywhere I go (except church, thank you God!) as though I were a piece of meat waiting to be devoured!!
I am a fair maiden, (my hair IS brunette, but whatever) I am worth waiting for, and if you can't handle that, then I have a few words to say to you, and they are quite fitting to the occasion...So LONG, FAREWELL, AUF WEIDERSEIN, and GOOD-BYE!
I am currently truly interested in one man, and one man only. My husband. He may or may not be in my life yet, and that's fine if he's not. If he is, then "Hi, Sweetie! I love you!" =). (I'm such a dork sometimes =) At any rate (I feel so much like bursting into laughter right now), currently...hahahhahahaha...Anyways, I know that I am ultimately preparing myself for the ultimate marriage when I go to meet my savior. Until then, if God sees fit, He can bring a man into my life. I know that in the meantime, He's preparing me for whatever He's got planned, and I'm totally cool with that. I'm enjoying every minute of God's writing of my story. It's sooo much easier, having Him write it, and me just copy it down in my journals, then trying to write it myself. And each little unique detail...OH!!! I LOVE IT!!! =) (I wanna laugh again) hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Life is good, but God is so much better. Get with God, He'll write you a program all your own, specialized to fit your needs. Yeah, I still do have questions about what my husband will be like, as far as understanding my "preexisting condition" (epilepsy) and all, but they're stupid questions to worry about, and so I don't. I know that whether or not God brings a man into my life who knows first aid for a seizure is nothing compared to whether or not that same man loves Jesus, and is "America's Next Top Model" in character, at least, in that he models the Perfect Gentleman (Jesus) in every way. The first aid for a seizure can be taught in a minute, even while the seizure is happening, so that can wait. But knowing how to be as much like Jesus Christ as possible, that truly takes a lifetime, (and then some) to be taught, and so knowing as much as you can be taught up to point "A" in your life is a big thing, and should not be held back.
Wow. I feel SOOOO much better for having said those things!! Post away if you have comments or kudos! Ciao!Always in Christ,Gabriella =)

15 June, 2007--Wow...Conversating with God
It's always interesting having a conversation with God. I was walking, praying, but I probably looked like a crazy woman as I walked down the sidewalk, actually talking to what looked like no one, when a cool breeze blew over me. I looked up at the sky, giving God a smile, "Thanks, that felt nice, it's kinda warm out here." I said. "Blessing number 1...Blessing number 2...Thank you that I won't be being tortured tomorrow, I mean, working." I looked up, smiling again. Sure that God was enjoying our conversations as much as I was. But it got me thinking. Just that conversation was a blessing. It got me to thinking. After Adam and Eve had to leave the garden of Eden, could they still approach God? Did they have that assurance of "I will remember their sins no more, as far as the east is from the west"? Or were they forever removed from God's presence? It made me wonder, and I was very blessed in that moment, as I walked up to the place where my other errand was.